Ya know.. lots don't like him.. but I like this song :-)... Being from the bible belt.. I can see the choir .. raise those hands sister!
minding my own business
sitting on top of that rock, contemplating lifes biggest questions
what will i be?
will i be loved?
needed?
used?
Not a woeful thought but a curious one
when with a loud thud my thoughts were interupted
I was dragged from my comfort zone
tossed around with carelessness
with great anxiety i wondered what would happen to me
to my suprise i was not alone
others surounded me, much to my relief.
so short lived was that security
pulled away was i
taken and examined like a piece of property
poked and proded on taking stock of my attributes
indignation ignored
pain endured as they chipped away at my imperfections
my uniqueness destroyed
innocence removed
then a warm embrace
soothing away the pain
like balm on a cut
melting into a feeling of contentment
oh but to get too comfortable
with no warning
pushed into a burning cauldron
no regard for my feelings
no regard for my desires
beaten until i feel the life run from me
salt thrown into wounds
yet no relief
burned and beaten
all the desire gone
all the will for living
gone.
others come to join me
banded together
edge to edge
protecting the weaker ones
forging together our wills
instead of one we are many
forced to endure the pain and torture
of fire and beatings
we grow stronger
we grow smarter
we grow more dangerous
as we reach our full potential
we are thwarted
thrown into the cold we lay
helpless they think
stronger though than they know
as we are picked up and cleaned off
our innocence is replaced with and edge
sharp and painful
strong yet flexible
ready and able to defend ourselves from anything
no longer contemplating lifes questions
for we no longer question
rather
we accept and attack.
for gone is what we were
all that is left is hardness.
Me
I have a big brain
promise to use it to think before committing
and to open myself up to new possibilities
I have beautiful eyes
promise to use them to see the world openly
and to see my own worth
I have little ears
promise to use them to hear what you have to say
and to listen carefully to my heart
I have a wonderful smile
promise to use it to bring you joy
and to talk less and say more
I have a big heart
promise to use it as a home for your love
and to leave the key in your care
I have strong arms
promise to use them to hold you close
and to never let you go
I have talented hands
promise to use them to paint your dreams
and to fulfill them
I have powerful legs
promise to use them to run to you with my problems
and to stand up to my mistakes
I have only one body
promise to use it for you
and to give you all i can
I have a soul
promise to use it to treasure yours
and to never ask for mine back
I see more than thoughts within these words.
Learn to look beyond the obvious.
Only then will you see the true meaning of what I write.
Validity in words of my deepest feelings.
Each thought, each sentence set to show you how happy life can be.
You have it all inside you.
Only you can make peace with you.
Unnecessary are my words in the end.
Prepare yourself for life's uncertainties. Always know you have others that love and care about what happens to you. Linger in an embrace, no need to rush the comfort of giving another control. Anger will bring you unneeded stress that you can live with out. Don't be fooled int apologizing for someone else's behavior. In the end they are responsible for themselves, as are you. Never give up hope, someone or something is always there for you, just open your eyes.
You seem like you need a long hug.
Seeing you sitting there on the couch, tired from a
long stressful day, I crawl on top of your lap, legs
on either side of you and give you a hug.
I could sit like that for a long time, still within
our own world.
Instead, I unbutton your shirt, or pull it up a
little at a time, until I feel your skin on my cheek.
Just lying there, breathing in your scent, maybe a
little kiss over your heart. My hands under your
shirt rubbing from your sides to your back, sitting
up a little to remove my shirt and yours, so our
skin can touch, get more warmth, so I can smell
you on me.
Feeling your hands on my back. With my shirt
open and your hands on my sides and back, I pull
back, cup your face and steal a long kiss.
Snuggling back into your neck, my lips on your
pulse feeling it race for me, yearning for my
touch.
Feeling brave, I start all over again, touching
you while I lay there soaking in all the feelings
coming through every touch on my skin. Not
letting you take me off your lap, wishing just to
touch you and feel your body relaxing to my
touch, stress being replaced with warmth. Skirt up
around my waist, my universe naked against
your clothed body, though it isn’t showing.
The warmth transferring from my skin to yours.
I tell you to be very still and just relax into the
feeling, sexual yet more than sexual. More
bonding, taking you into me, the way you smell,
the way you warm to my touch, the way your
energy and desire flows through me merely at a
touch.
Not minutes but hours in the quietest moment of
the day, a chance to unwind, relax, and build
desire all at the same time. I sit back from you
and play with your chest, as you lay back with
your eyes closed or at least relaxed. I watch your
face as I run my fingertips over your warm skin,
around your nipples and down your belly. Sliding
both hands along your waist, nipping under your
jeans, watching my hands go between us.Two
universes colliding.
Changing with the smallest of touches, moving
my hands to touch myself, your eyes on me. Only
a small touch, enough to wet my fingers and bring
them to your lips, spreading it on your lips while i
explore their feel. Replacing my fingers with my
tongue, I taste me on you. Lifting just a little off of
you I unzip your jeans, touching just the tip of
you, I bring that wetness also to our lips sharing
your taste with the two of us also. You and I
combining ourselves into one being. Creating
something unlike anyone else could create, a new
universe, just for you and me...
I wake up thinking about you
I lay there and imagine how it would feel
to lie down and sink into you
the very first place
would be your face
your lips
touching softly while you sleep
feeling you stir under my caress
I wake up thinking of nothing else
just you
thinking about you stiring
and how i would snuggle closer
not needing to see
just needing to feel
feel the hair on your chest
running through my fingers
tickling my cheek
as i sink deeper into you
I wake up thinking about only you
and the beat of your heart
under my palm
on my cheek
in my ear
feeling your arms
instinctively surrounding me
protecting me from everything
knowing they are needed
wanted
enjoyed.
I wake up thinking of nothing else
safe and secure
shameless exploration
discovery awaiting every touch
like new forever
with out resistance or fear
I nuzzle my way to your belly
running my hand down
through the hair
feeling your warmth
following my hand with my cheek
and lips
just rubbing
taking your warmth with me
I wake up thinking only of you
feeling my whole body relax into you
my tears of happiness
leaving a trail across your skin
I lay with my face buried in your belly
breathing deeply
taking as much of you in as I can
never wishing to leave
wanting your arms around me
feeling them materialize
feeling you wrap yourself around me
in my hair,
on my shoulders
caressing me with
leaving a trail of warmth
of love
of comfort
I wake up thinking of how you feel
opening my eyes I see your arousal
with my finger tips i touch
and listen to your breathing
deep and relaxed
no rush
no demands, just acceptance
I wake up thinking of nothing else
I reach to feel all of you
the wieght in my hands
filling my soul with joy
knowing you are all mine
knowing I will always love you
knowing i will always love the way you feel
I reach up and give a kiss
a small worship for the promise
of satisfaction when needed
a kiss to the top
small and light
full of reverence for what is mine
I wake up with you on my mind
Snuggling back down on your belly
My body cradled around yours
in perfect harmoney
in perfect acceptance
in perfect love
I lay there
surrounded by your arms
surrounded by your body
surrounded by your soul
surrounded by you love
All mine
All yours
breathing in deeply
taking you all in
living for the moment
living to wake up next to you
you give me the time to explore
you give me the time to take
You give me more than anyone ever has.
I wake up thinking about you
I fall asleep only to wake up
to think about you.
dance baby dance
sticky sweet
candy treat in one hand
other hand in the air
full of sticky hair
dance baby dance
rocking horse wiggling
momma giggling
young and free
sticky sweet
grinning ear to ear
dance baby dance
feet barely touching the ground
bouncing up and down
diaper dragging
sticking to the saddle
candy flying
dance baby dance
laughter filling the air
grins everywhere
happiness unbound
no time will be better
joy is simple
Dance baby Dance
Dance for me
I want to
but why should i?
I need to
but can i?
I wish to
but do i?
If only it was as easy as a thought, it would not evade me.
Over time it manifests into a wound.
Stinging when messed with. Bleeding for no reason.
Spreading to infect the rest of me.
Leaving me hurting.
Some thoughts are best left buried under a bandage.
At least they wouldnt be exposed for others to see
for others to feel
for others to touch
for others to disturb
but when they do, the pain is exquisite
She has no idea,
bitterness has fogged her outlook on life.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Walk past her,
try not to breath when you do.
She oozes poison,
pouring it into the air around her.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Walk past her,
try not to get close when you do.
She will take any oppurtunity
to fill your heart with her bitterness.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Walk past her.
try not to listen when you do.
She burns with anger,
lashing at anyone who comes close enough.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Walk past her,
try not to touch when you do.
She wonders why noone likes her,
sticking her nose up to those who grimace.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Walk past her,
try not to ask her why when you do.
She lives for herself,
never seeing others for who they are.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Walk past her,
try not to care when you do.
For she is the bitter egg,
nothing but pain and lonliness can be hatched from her heart.
She likes it this way,
saves her from herself.
Have you ever just felt so damn blue?
Just after all the rush and chaos of life slows to a halt and you are left standing there wondering what just happened, and it hits you that you missed something. Makes me blue, makes me wonder if anyone knows me.
Leaves you wondering if the life you lead is the right way.
So many telling you that your life is the bomb, but yet where are they when you need them?
Or is it me not letting them in?
And why not?
You ever wish to let someone in to the point that you are thinking about it all the time?
Standing up for who you are takes guts, believing in yourself takes guts too. Sometimes though, your 'guts' get torn right out.
I know though, that all you can do is be yourself, others will come and go, some will stay.
I hope the ones i wish to know all about stay forever
It whistles around my body
Like a new lover
waiting to discover
all of my secrets
Lifting my hair
to whisper an enchantment
tickleing my mind
caressing my skin peaking my interest in more.
Cool yet inviting
it grows still stronger
whipping arount
the torture growing longer
Feelings arise
things get warmer
bringing new touches
new hopes
new dreams.
Just as I get ready
it dies back down
smoldering like coals
stagnant and unmoving
Hot as an oven
its back for a moment
teasing me with release
only to die back down
leaving without completion
Please come back, I wish
but, to no avail
it comes and it goes
knowing I will be waiting
It rises back up
rushing at me
pushing me down
picking me up
scattering my feelings
Tossing me up
letting me fall
leaving me fast
no matter how I call
Leaving me breathless
wanting so much more
Just as it comes
so it goes
Whispers on my neck
Oh yes! Its back
waiting for me
this time its an attack
Colder than anger
sharper than a knife
it takes from me
my very life.
Leaving no corner
untouched by its wrath
I run for cover
No matter how fast
my feet carry me
It catches me
torments me.
Knocking me to the ground
As I get up
my skin full of scratches
I rush for shelter
and bat down the hatches
Sleep comes so slowly as i wait for the day
where I can have Just one more touch.
When I get down I remember the first part of this year and smile.
I thought things couldn't get worse then, and I was right, or my friends were right, in the end. I had destroyed my truck, lost daycare (it closed), watched my child fight pneumonia, missed work, lost half my income (or to put it another way, The Gimp lost half our income).
Yet in the end it WAS all for the best! I ended up getting rid of the one person in our house that was pulling everyone down (and a bit more besides, but not ready to talk about that yet).
And now I am ready to shed another layer of the past. Its just as scary as shedding the first layer above! But the results will be worth it.
In ten days they will take a part of me that needs to go. No regrets. Here is to a better me. In ten days I will have a partial Hysterectomy to remove my uterus. A lot of talking later and I know now that I can honestly say I have no regrets. Fears and worries maybe... silly ones, I know, lol.
Oh.. I should mention why, silly me. I have Endometriosis. It's funny, I have been put down about this too for so long (just get up and stop putting it on, grr, makes me so cross now). It was a friend of mine here that told me I had it, and I should get it checked. I've had it confirmed by two doctors now... and The Gimp told me I was making it all up!
The blurb says «Endometriosis... disabling menstrual cramps, typically accompanied by lower back pain, painful sex, painful bowel movements, urinary urgency, frequency, and sometimes painful voiding. Symptoms often exacerbate in time with the menstrual cycle.» but that doesn't do it justice. It's like saying magnesium oxidises rapidly when heated. It's true, but it doesn't convey the full flavour of the reaction, lol.
We (the twins and I) have been sick with viruses, and now I have been struck down by The Period, early of course. The Grand Finale is what I think I shall call this one. And boy is it a rough one (well, they are all rough lol, that's why it has to go).
Its like Yay!!! no more Periods and I can do what I want every day of the month. Instead of being tied to medication and the couch (wellll wait a minute... being tied to the couch could be fun lol). But its scary too! It has to go just right for me to be back to work in a week. When I went to the doctor's for the pre-operation visit, they spent more time explaining the surgery itself. The more he explained the more nervous I got. So many things could happen. I know I know, positive attitude. *Trying*
Just bear with me. I am not sure what the future holds. I hope all positive! But, the next two months you can expect a lot of whining and moaning *not the good kind*.... But I promise when its all over I can add it to the list of things accomplished for the better. Not going to look at this negatively. That would be behavior unbecoming of such a wonderful person (me in case you are wondering lol)
Ask any questions, I will do my best to answer them. Don't think i will be offended or anything by questions. It helps me work through all of what is to come.. So questions are not only welcome but insisted upon!
Your friend,
Jane Marie
Roses are like paper hearts
They are so beautiful
So full of life
Colorful and the intention is to brighten your day.
But they fall apart,
almost as soon as you touch them.
Soon they smell rancid, or crack and get discolored.
What was once beautiful can only be a memory.
Instead of Roses or Paper hearts give me an Oak tree, Sturdy , hardy and full of lasting promise.
Or Love me like an Ocean, always turning and rushing to meet the tide like a lover.
Anything but a rose or a paper heart.
Something I can watch grow, look at without it
becoming tarnished or old.
I want it to last forever, not just one day, one week, one month or a year.
Forever.
janemarie
She knows
just the tip of her toe
In the ocean
brings her into His soul...
Everything is connected
by the oceans...
She could stand there and feel Him
feel His arms
feel His energy
reaching her surrounding her
Just the tip of her toe
warm and salty
brisk and vibrant
turbulent forceful
comforting in its motion
She wants to stand at the edge of the tide
arms spread out as wide as she can
head thrown back
eyes closed
legs open and balanced
toes sinking deep into the sand
and let the ocean sweep over her toes
Pushing His soul all around her
Letting the wind sweep her away
Buffering off layers and layers
Leaving her stripped of everything but Him.
She knows
Just the tip of her toe
In the Ocean
brings her into His soul
SoulMates connected like Islands
Oceans of energy
Running through her thoughts
as He runs through her soul
No matter how
no matter where
no matter what
He will always be there
Many will come, few will stay. All have meaning in your life's journey. Love unconditionally, giving yourself to those you love. Continue to be true to yourself, your family and friends. Open your mind to others around you who need your acceptance and guidance. Leave your judgments behind. Master your self awareness by giving what is needed to others and yourself.
Join your heart, soul and mind to your desires. All you wish for can be yours with a little work. Never blame yourself for the actions of others. Each one of your dreams are worthy of a lesson at the very least. Making others feel good will give you more of what you need. All your happiness lies within your ability to be vulnerable. Real oneness will come to you when you can let go of disappointment with others and yourself. I love you, now you love you. Everything will pass with time, you don't have to worry anymore.
I am not sure who might read this.
Not really sure who would want to read this!
But i will write it anyway.
For Me.
That is what this year has been.
The year of Jane Marie.
Getting rid of those who did nothing but belittle me . Cutting out those who have chosen to insult me constantly. Cutting ties with those that wish to isolate me from all those that care. For me it came easy after a long struggle to put those into the past.
Sounds like i cleaned house.
Got rid of a ton of people doesnt it?
Those equals one.
Amazing how one person can control your life as if they were a hundred. I still feel like I am battling with a hundred demons trapped in one person.
Six months of excorsizing each and every one of those demons as he cast them out to do his bidding.
Each one leaving new battle wounds.
Only this time the scars will have positive meaning.
Each one a mark of individuality.
Of accomplishment.
Of growth.
If i end up with a thousand scars as proof that I can survive. Then it will all be worn with pride.
I am sure i will leave a few scars of my own on the one who leaves many.
He too , shall be marked for life.
For all to see.
too funny! Look what i found!
