Hello Ovation Artists,I am not sure what my purpose is in exposing this part of my life on a site that is mostly positive based energy but here we go.First off… this isn’t a cry for help or need for attention. I think I just want to feel free from a childhood that has had a strangle hold on me for 40 something years. In the mid 90’s I wrote tons of poems and short stories about my childhood and the toxic relationship between my father and myself. In many ways writing is what helped me deal with the truth of my childhood and maybe even allowed me to.. Understand my father’s rage. Writing helped me see things much more clear or as clear as it could get.It isn’t a easy thing to accept that my father was a pedophile and a hate monger. I honestly believe he hated himself. When he died in 2008 I was so angry he  never had the balls to show any remorse for he cruelty he put my Mother, Sister and myself through. I guess I just needed to know he wasn’t a monster and they he was human under all that rage and hate. I know I will never know that side of him now and in order to move on with life… I had to just let that dream go.Today I am at a point in my life that my desire to express deep emotions through my art work is so important to me that sometimes it drives me to a dark place in my mind. It feels like with my efforts to move forward has been for nothing. It is a constant struggle to connect with both people and myself. It’s like a big wall between myself and my art and people. I have lived in this state of mind for so long… it is all I know and I fear will be all that I will ever know. I am trying to free myself through my Art and I really hope I can inspire others to do the same. I understand that this post seems unfinished and unfocused and I hope you will forgive me for that. I just needed to vent a little without going into dreadful details. To all of you that I un-friend… I did not do it because of something you said or did. I did it because I felt like I did not fit in this amazing group of human beings. I am still drawing things and people. I have this weird drive to keep going. Which makes me think and feel like… there is still hope for me and my Art. I rarely post here because I know my work is not ready yet for knowledgeable eyes. Not to come off insecure about myself but to stay honest about my art. I know I have something to express to the world and I know it will happen when the time is right.Thank you for taking the time to read this and please.. Never allow anyone or anything to stand between you and your Art. Take that stand before the wall gets too high.